Part 4
Wouldn’t it be nice to say, that I finally found my happily ever after in church, that’d I’d finally arrived in my rough and tumble journey of church discovery? It’s a bit laughable really, because life is not like a fairy tale, and neither are our quests. We set off in life with often insurmountable expectations of what life will hold and what we hope to accomplish. I know I did as a young person. I believed I could conquer any feat set before. That’s the beauty of being young, we feel invincible and eager to set out and change the world, and if I’m honest, I hope I never lose that pull to be a living difference in our world against all odds. As I sit here, a little older,
Israel followed God out of Egypt by flame at night and cloud by day. Wherever he moved, they followed. The cloud we had followed to China began to move. We were headed West, seemingly backward considering where we started, but forward in God’s will. We’d been back to the U.S. periodically during our time overseas enough to know that returning to American life and church life would hold some challenges for us. Therefore, we decided to take a respite from finding a church community until our family settled physically. It may seem strange, but for most expats returning to the U.S. after living abroad the art of finding a church family is one of the most stressful experiences of returning.
We landed needing rest from obligation, yes, ministry. We were drained and running on steam. One would think this would be a great season for a church to minister to its ministers, but it often becomes the opposite. Expats come home and are expected to teach, speak, take over ministries, all while trying to find a home, get their children in schools, unpack, grieve, process, and stay sane when they likely left already exhausted, stressed, hurt and sometimes angry. Sadly, more often than not, returning cross-cultural workers are not in healthy spiritual spaces.
It’s easy to take for granted our spirit’s need of rest in our competitive lifestyles. We often feel that if we slow down we will miss the promotion, not get the pay raise, miss an opportunity to share the gospel, or even worse, not measure up to some standard we’re trying to surpass. Our culture feeds into this mentality leaving us tired, stressed, worn out and neglecting vital matters of life, including soul care.
I felt convicted that I too lived this way. I sat in a conundrum—needing the church
Soul Care
Perhaps
That’s exactly what we needed—an intentional time-out from church-life for healing communion with God. Not only that, we needed to rediscover the American church and see it through God’s eyes so as not to judge, get frustrated, or dive in too quickly with a superiority complex thinking we knew what it needed. (In case you are wondering, we had no clue.)
I’ve already written about my journey of learning about solitude, silence, and prayer— you can read more about the value of these practices here. I encourage you, especially if you are finding yourself frustrated, wounded, and worn by your church experience that you find a way to learn more about these spiritual practices. I have no doubt they will move your soul toward a deeper connection with God and a greater appreciation for his Church.
Wait a minute…
You may be thinking, “Just last week she encouraged us to not give up the fight for the church, and now she’s telling us to walk away from it?” Well, this week I am saying, sometimes we need to step away from our painful church experience in order to see it clearly.
Church Impressions
I love impressionistic paintings. I love to step close and see the chaos of which at first glance looks like random brushstrokes of color with no definable pattern or sense. Then as you step back the irregular blobs of paint transform into an intentional design. Strokes blend into shades of light and dark that form images, people, expressions of emotion, movement, and life. Like these paintings, sometimes we get too close to the church until we can only see the mistakes, the dissension, the mess of it and get lost in the chaos until we feel hurt, angry, frustrated, and lastly, fed up. In those moments, it’s time to step back in order to evaluate the larger picture with a wider perspective so that it can come back to life and connect with our soul. We need a fresh impression of the church based on concentrated and connected time with God.
My aim here is to bring us back to a love for the Church, a desire to be fully engaged in the Church because I believe the Church is exactly the way in which we will collectively be a living difference in our world.
If we are so wounded by our church experiences that each time we go we can’t see past our emotions, then I’d say it’s time to take a break.
Our local church should be a place we find peace,
We need to be able to see the Church rightly through God’s intended brush strokes in order to move forward with God’s heart for the Church. When we can see His hope for the Church, we can live it out. That’s when it’s possible for us to make a difference, to see a change in our churches, and through our churches see a change in our world. First, we need to start with aligning our perspective with God’s intention.
Stepping away gives space to lay the burden or frustration down, allow God to pick it up, and like a rubrics cube align all the pieces until we can see His original dream for His Church. Only then can we return to her with God’s vision, passion, and courage to seek transformation in us and the Church.
(Note: I recognize some hurts are deep and painful. Sometimes stepping away and seeking spiritual direction or wise counsel may also be necessary to tend to a wounded spirit.)
Returning to the Church
We spent that year as a family resting, seeking God’s heart and asking the questions, “How do we find a church community? and, What’s is the Church?” before beginning what I call “the search.”
Next week will be my final post on the Church. I want to speak into our “search,”—what we’ve found, what we haven’t found, along with what we can be looking for, as well as, what do we do if we can’t find it?
I would love to hear from you. What’s your story and how is God teaching you? What have you learned from the Church and where are you in your journey toward finding church-life?
