Following My Curiosity
In the midst of my overseas transition back to America, I’d picked up a few books on loss and grieving. One in particular continually referenced a spiritual director. I remember grabbing a sticky note and writing down ‘spiritual direction’ with a big question mark. I wanted to know who this mystery person was and what it was they did. It was in the questioning that my journey toward becoming a spiritual director started. So I understand that if direction is news to you, you might have a lot of questions. If you don’t see your question, write me in the comments. My recommendation is to read this article first, Is Spiritual Direction Right for Me?, and then come back to these FAQs below.
FAQs
What sort of ministry is spiritual direction?
Spiritual direction is at its very core a prayer ministry. It is the art of holy listening. In direction there are three persons: the director, the directee, and the Trinity who is the ultimate director, who join together in prayer. Together the three meet together to listen, discern, and still themselves in order to awaken to God’s presence in all of life. The director is a bit like a trail guide. She’s done and continues to do the spiritual work of attuning to the Spirit, attending to her inner spiritual life in order to be transformed into the likeness of Christ, makes space for silence, solitude, and prayer, and is surrendering herself to discerning the will of God in all areas of her life. A director is a fellow pilgrim who has walked the path a little longer and wants to companion with you and the Spirit on the joy-filled, but often challenging Christian journey. She’s excited listen to your story, notice with you where God is directing you on your path and pays attention to pitfalls or invitations from God toward a deeper relationship with God and others. A director is a spiritual companion who can be helpful if you desire to deepen or attend to your prayer life, are struggling with faith, experiencing a dry season, would like to notice God more in your daily life, are walking through grief, doubt, or loss, or if you want to explore your spiritual story from past to present.
When and where did spiritual direction begin?
Though not called spiritual direction, the ministry of spiritual companioning began in the 3rd century as the early church grew. Around the time Christianity became legal in the ancient world several men and women exited the cities in order to pursue ascetic Christian lives in the desert. Today we call these people the Desert Fathers and Mothers. This movement grew into the early monastic way of life. For those who lived this frugal life, they devoted themselves to prayer, communal living (and sometimes hermit living), asceticism, and surrender to God in all manners of life toward what they believed to be holy union with God. It did not take long before pilgrims would travel to the desert to learn from these Desert Fathers and Mothers. These pilgrimages were like early day silent retreats. Travelers and seekers would learn to pray, devote themselves to a modest lifestyle while receiving wise counsel from the Fathers and Mothers, some of whom were Bishops in the early church. The practice of direction birthed out of this form of soul care. Eventually the desert movement would transform into the monastic life we know today which involves ongoing soul care with a spiritual director throughout one’s orders. The tradition of spiritual direction continued from the early days through the Catholic Tradition for ministers and those in orders, but in the 60s and 70s it began to be offered to lay persons. It has only grown and expanded into various traditions and denominations as a form of pastoral care, soul care, and prayer ministry.
What happens in a spiritual direction session?
When you arrive for your appointment (or online) your director will welcome you. She will light a candle as a reminder of the Holy Spirit’s presence as the guide of the prayer time. She will open with a prayer, a reflection, or silence. You may be guided through a spiritual practice to aid in slowing down and preparing for prayer with God. When you are ready, you may begin by sharing what you are feeling, noticing, or experiencing in your life. The director will listen as you share and when appropriate may ask questions or make observations for further exploration. Throughout the time you may engage in various prayer exercises, pause for deeper silence, or more sharing. Spiritual direction conversations happen at a slower pace than normal conversations. You are free to take the conversation where you sense God inviting you to go. The director is an observing companion with you and the Holy Spirit. A session is one hour and ends with prayer. Afterwards you will schedule your next meeting time. If you are meeting online, please find a private place with the least amount of distraction. This will allow you and the director to focus on listening and being open the the Spirit. Sessions are typically once a month.
What should I talk about in spiritual direction?
God is present in all aspects of your life, therefore you can explore any area of your life that feels important. For example, you can share about any circumstance in your life like, a feeling, a relationship, hobby, concern, school, longings, fears, work, prayer, faith (struggles/joys), frustrations—anything! If you aren’t sure where to begin just let your director know and they can help get the conversation started.
How are spiritual directors trained?
Many people can be good listeners, but spiritual directors are trained in a two-year program designed to grow their skills in companioning and listening. They gain theological grounding toward the development of their ministry through specific training. They also experience various spiritual practices and exercises that develop their sense of self, spiritual maturity, and health. Spiritual directors are required to submit to personal spiritual direction as well as supervision for accountability and development. They should also be committed to a believing community. If you want to know what training and development your potential director has or is receiving you may always ask.
What is the goal of spiritual direction?
Unlike therapy, mentoring, or coaching, spiritual direction is not goal (or progress) driven. Rather spiritual direction is about participating with the Holy Spirit toward spiritual health, maturity, and transformation. Movements of growth in faith are different for everyone and have no prescribed timeline. However, you can observe where you are experiencing deeper connection with Christ, a growing sense of spiritual freedom, or patterns of self-awareness in relationship to how you interact with God and others. The famous quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French Jesuit Priest, best describes the posture one can take when beginning direction, “Above all trust in the slow work of God. Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”
How much does spiritual direction cost?
Spiritual director’s may have different fee scales based on their experience and training. It usually ranges between $35-$100+. Some directors are willing to offer sliding scale fees for special circumstances, so always ask. I charge $20-$80 per session based on what you prayerfully consider paying. Depending on the director, payment is made at the end of each session via check, Venmo, PayPal, or another payment route. I personally see this as a life-giving ministry, so if finances are a concern for you talk to your director about meeting you at a reasonable fee.
How do I find a spiritual director?
Finding a spiritual director can sometimes be challenging. You may check within your denomination or ask your pastor or priest to see if anyone is a trained director. There are also several ministries/organizations that have lists of directors. Here are a couple major search engines: Spiritual Directors International (an inter spiritual and the first spiritual direction website with the largest international search) and Grafted Life Ministries (an evangelical search). You can also google search spiritual directors in your area or reach out to local retreat centers who often have directors. I am also a trained director who offers in person and online direction. You can reach out on the form below.
How do I choose a spiritual director?
Most directors offer a free initial meeting. Once you reach out to a director they will contact you to schedule a meet and greet time. During this time you get to ask any questions you might have for the director and they may ask you questions to. They will also help you understand what direction will be like with them. The goal of this meeting is to discover if you feel comfortable and safe with the director since part of your commitment is to share and be vulnerable. After the preliminary meeting you can decide if it’s a good fit and schedule your first session. You are under no obligation to choose the director if you don’t sense a good match. Ask as many questions as you need and feel free to share what you hope for in direction. If you start direction and after a few sessions you notice it’s not working for you or vice versa, you can let your director know and continue your search.
Is spiritual direction like biblical counseling or therapy?
No. Spiritual direction is not biblical counseling or therapy. However, it often complements therapy when having a holistic approach to mental health. Direction is not a problem-solving ministry. You may discuss what you are exploring in therapy as it is a natural part of your life, but in direction you will explore and observe it from a prayer stance noticing where God is present to you in those situations or growing awarenesses. If you begin direction and your director notices a need for additional counseling for depression, trauma, family dynamics or other needs that require additional help she will offer that suggestion to you.
Didn’t see your question? Please ask any additional questions in the comment section below.
