Glimpse of Jesus from living as an alien
Parts of me must become dormant. The experiences and effort it took to understand and adopt the life and culture of China. I stuff them away like old family photos in a basement. These former things seem irrelevant to the people and place I now exist.
By being a foreigner in another land subjecting myself to pointing, learning a new language and adopting new habits to form community, the irony lies in that my new inner person has become foreign to my native land. On the outside I appear the same as when I left, but my ability to slide into an old life is like a snake who’s shed its skin and tries to wriggle itself back into the former casing. I’ve changed. Transformed even into a new creature.
A chameleon can change its colors to blend in on purpose. I blend in, yet my being is different.
Jesus did this. He stepped down from light and into darkness. Into a world that even though he created it, it was not his home.
Jesus wandered as an alien.
Becoming completely humankind. A chameleon. Morphing who he was, wholly God, to be also wholly man. To be himself, yet not. To become like us by leaving his home, Father and perhaps body so that we could be reconnected to the Father too. He had to keep part of himself stored in the recesses of his soul; dormant. Hidden from the world because it was more than we could comprehend or accept. He could only reveal his true nature in stages through stories and eventually death, yet even then many did not accept him and his existence caused dissension. He remained a foreigner in his own land.
Living in the state of a transient life can be frustrating. Christ scolded the people in the book of Luke, “You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you and put up with you?” (Luke 9: 41) His weighted heart longed to connect with his people.
He was desperate for his disciples to ‘get it’ after living so closely. Sacrificing everything to communicate a way home, yet all his efforts of healings, miracles, parables, teachings falling on deaf ears. Wanting to be understood by those closest to him. Watching those around you look at you with blank stares or confusion is like trying to unlock a door with the wrong key. I can identify with his frustration. When starting to learn Mandarin I quickly realized even the dogs understood more of what was going on than I did. Exasperated by my inability to communicate my needs, feelings or wants in my environment became tiresome. I assuredly thought returning to the U.S. would be easier because I could finally speak in my heart language without fumbling through ‘did I say that right? or do I even know how to communicate that?” But surprisingly, I found myself unable to speak. A loss of voice. An insecurity. When people asked me questions I didn’t know how to answer or if I did I fumbled over my words and meaning. It was like twenty years of not riding a bike and trying to remember where the pedals are. Those were the moments I wish I were a chameleon.
Another layer loomed beneath those feelings of incompetence. Perhaps one closer to Jesus’. “Why doesn’t anyone understand me or want to know me?” Albeit he had a mission with a pertinent message while I just wanted community in which to belong and not feel like I was covered in fur like teen wolf.
I struggled with the newness of social media and how in has invaded our country. Though growing overseas, its power in the U.S. reached every crevice of society in ways I missed out on. I completely missed the introduction of Twitter, Pinterest, and Snapchat. All new foreign words to me. I felt like a relic still wondering what happened to MySpace. I struggled with how our society could seemingly be so open behind the cloak called social networking, but completely pervasion face-to-face. The device is the face of my fellow Americans. Or at least that’s what I observed as an outsider. These one-click button relationships only fed into further isolation. If I was feeling ousted upon landing, engaging in society only bore the hole deeper. A loss of genuine connecting. These new advancements caused me to feel further alienated because I had missed out. If anything makes a person feel the scope and advancement of time it’s technology. On a side note, don’t get me wrong technology advances more quickly in China and in some ways is far more advanced, but not in the same ways. My operating system knew a different version.
I’d become a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit the puzzle. It looked like it could be pushed in, but when jammed into place it just didn’t quite have its place. I wasn’t the only piece to change, the puzzle itself altered too. We both moved in different directions and then somehow switched back and collided with force jumbled together into a unidentifiable conglomerate.
I needed to relearn the facets of community. Admit to reverse culture shock. Reintegrate into a deja-vu-ish society. To remember that as a wandering pilgrim whether returned or foreign we are still aliens. We are still meant to be learners. observers, teachers. The people around me weren’t to blame because they didn’t know I felt different inside and all jumbled up.
I was willing to put in the work when I went to China and the people there really did look at me as a foreigner, why couldn’t I do it when the Lord lead me to the U.S.?
I forgot my identity in the moment for want of settling. It wasn’t until I embraced my pilgrim spirit as one to roam and to take what I glean from place-to-place and person-to-person and add to the wealth of beauty that builds as we engage wherever we are and be all things to all people so that God’s glory may be known. To be reminded yet again that the revolving point isn’t me, isn’t social media, countries or societies, but Christ. Jesus could have very well been scolding me that day for not getting it—for not seeing past myself. As pilgrims we should never stuff the experiences he’s woven into our being or hide journeys we’ve taken. Like him we must share our stories, engage with people, be patient and invite others into our lives. That is where community thrives and blooms.
REFLECTIONS:
- Are there parts of your being that you keep locked away for fear that people won’t understand? How can you being to ask God where they can be a blessing to others?
- If you’ve been a cross-cultural worker or lived overseas, what experiences do you find easy or hard to share? If you find yourself struggling to connect with people, what are some small stories you could share? (Remember, you can share your story here too.)
- Is there anything you feel disillusioned by because of the advancement of modern technology? Perhaps you want deeper community or friendships. What are some actions you can take to break those social media barriers and engage others?
- Christ came to journey on earth to invite others into the redemption story. A story he served passionately to fulfill and longs for each of us to understand. Where has your story taken you? How does it weave into Christ’s and how can others be woven into it now? Remember to take notice of the story God’s unfolding along your path.
