When Transformational Change Doesn’t Happen

Why is change so hard?

Creatures of habit, creatures of comfort. We all know and resonate with those phrases. It’s comforting to predict the general outcome of our day. If we can anticipate an upcoming change and plan ahead so as not to upset the rhythm of our lives, then that means we have everything under control. Life is good, right? Practically speaking, habits make life easier, run smoothly, and give us that sense of control over our future.

But what happens when our habits threaten our ability to change, even the ability for wanted change? Rather than keeping life tidy, they begin to diminish life, cause anger and frustration, and grow our anxiety. The control we feel they offer is merely a mirage–an outlandish expectation for the “good life.” The hard part is realizing that in order to live a life full of goodness we have to let go of the false things that feel tangible in order to cling to the real ones that sometimes seem like figments of our imaginations.

So what does this mean when we become a follower of Jesus?

Jesus’ whole mission was to come and make all things new. This implies a global initiation for a foundational, ontological, and fundamental change among all creation and especially within humanity. When we become a child of God, we are part of ushering in the ultimate change (Kingdom of God), which means my life should begin to look different because I am taking on the mind of Christ. If we don’t notice emotional, relational and spiritual maturity, the fruits of the Spirit, compassion and a deeper movement toward love than let the sirens sound, something is wrong. A question we can ask is: Have our habits of comfort and control created a wall between me and God’s Spirit?

Maybe you’ve noticed it is hard to break certain emotional cycles or inner voices, or that God doesn’t seem to speak to you, or that you’ve been working on bad habits that just won’t seem to go away and nothing, even prayer, seems to work so you’ve resolved to give up–change isn’t possible for you. We’ve all felt this.

Change isn’t easy. Let me propose that the problem isn’t the changing, but our understanding of change. The change Jesus is talking about is different from the one we incite through general grit, willpower, and hard work; that is a cultural way of working toward change, it is temporary. It’s common to think one or both things when when we become Christian: a) God will immediately enter my life and heal me of all my iniquities and I will never sin again or b) Now that I am a believer, I need to act and live a certain way to earn God’s love so I begin strict self-discipline and sin-management to live a moral and up-standing life.

If that resonates with you, I’d like to ask: How is that working out for you? What change have you experienced?

What does it take to experience transformational change?

Jesus didn’t say I am coming to make things new and you need to do better, work harder. He also didn’t say sit back and do nothing. So how then does new, eternal, transformational life begin and what role do I play? How do I tangibly become a new creation in Christ?

I’ll be honest, there is no 5-step process to spiritual maturity and transformation. Walking in step with the Spirit is truly a journey in every sense of the way—It takes time, there are twists and turns with dead ends, we get lost and discouraged and need to ask for help, sometimes it’s lonely, sometimes we have companions, it can be muddy and bumpy or smooth paved roads, we get tempted by road signs and get off track, we get angry, tired, sore and sometimes we see glorious sunsets and mountain peaks. Knowing transformation is a journey in companionship with God, allows us grace to be patient with ourselves, realize there is no rush, and trust that eventually we will get to the final destination. And don’t forget, there will be fun on the road trip because we are with our best friend, lover, Creator, and Savior.

The change Jesus promises demands a lot from us and can’t be accomplished alone, but the hope is God initiates, fuels, and sustains the change through grace¹ that makes lasting transformation a real possibility for us this side of heaven.

Graces that Make Change a Present Reality

Salvation

The moment we say “yes” to Jesus and enter into the priesthood of believers we become the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, the temple of the living God. Together, we are the Kingdom of God here and now. Because of God’s love and grace, we can enter into holy communion with Christ through Baptism. This is the moment God opens the floodgates and pours out so much blessing that there is not room enough to store it. (Malachi 3:10) This indwelling is like the light switch allowing electricity to connect and flow through us illuminating us to eternal, true life ensuring ongoing change.

Commitment to Love

Wherever you find yourself on the pilgrim road, even if you are lost, the hope is clear: we know where we are going. The spiritual journey is a movement toward Love. The Triune God is love who creates and relates from love, and overflows with love and wants us to love in return.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

Deuteronomy 6:5 (God)

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Luke 10:27 (Jesus)

The hardest part of change for us as Christians is being open to God’s love for us, loving ourselves, and loving others. We can not live with a divided heart and loving God whole-heartedly is quite a challenge for our human condition. This is where we must consider which habits draw us nearer or further to God’s love and bring healing to our divided hearts.

Posture of Openness

Do you recall our habit of creating habits to maintain control over our lives? Well, letting go of control is essential toward embracing the love in which God invites us to enjoy. The first step toward letting go happens at salvation, but life in Christ is a continual and ongoing process of letting go–less of me, more of God. Taking up our cross daily means trusting all of our life over to our Creator, who is loving, desires our best, and longs to be with us in all of life. Allowing the old self to be crucified daily is an openness to allowing God to direct our lives toward the way of transformation. Do you trust God is loving? Are you open to letting go?

Look and See

In Isaiah 30 the Israelites are drowning in their iniquities and sin, yet God gives them continual grace by saying, “”Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it,”” He knows full well they will not listen and follow the voice of love, but never stops loving, being present, and calling out. The question is, are we listening and looking? God is ever present, but are we paying attention, are we responding? Being honest with yourself, how often are you attentive to God’s presence, his voice, creation, movements of the Spirit in your every day life? When we open ourselves to God’s love, our awareness of his presence with us grows and we begin to have eyes to see and ears to hear so that we may engage, respond, and allow God’s Spirit to bring the change we long for.

Spiritual Disciplines

We often consider spiritual disciplines and practices as tasks we must do to become righteous or please God, but true practices are a means of cultivating a loving relationship, growing in intimacy, knowing God and knowing ourselves through his loving gaze, and growing in love for others. Growing awareness and love for God develops a desire for more of God and spiritual disciplines allow for that. They are graces that help us either empty ourselves, lead to celebration, cultivate character and identity, and grow in compassion. They are the dating portion of our relationship with God that keep the love and passion alive. When is the last time you’ve been on a date with Jesus? There are many forms of disciplines/practices that cultivate varying aspects of our humanity which I hope to explore in months to come. Be on the look-out here.

Sacramental Community

The historical Christian habit of meeting together to be fed by Christ in Word and Sacrament together in community is a mandate given by Christ himself and further instated by the Apostles and early Church. We can not underestimate the power of gathering together as the unified Body of Christ, for it is by Christ and through Christ that we are one and establish the Kingdom of God. It is for our mutual edification and sanctification. This is our communal identity setting us apart as heirs and children of God. We are, by design of the Triune God, communal people and lasting change can not thrive apart from the body. In the mystery of Baptism, Eucharist (Communion), and Prayer we are being transformed into a new creation. For more on liturgical rhythms click here.

Above all trust in the slow work of God. Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin SJ, French Jesuit Priest

Speaking of making changes...I’ve recently made some changes to my website as a reflection of the changes happening in my own life. If you haven’t checked them out please do here: Spiritual Direction and Liturgical Rhythms & Seasons. I you haven’t shared Along the Wandering Way with a friend yet, please consider sharing today. Don’t forget to share your comments and/or insights in the comments below. Connect also via Instagram @elizabeth.m.forshee

¹ Grace: God’s acting in our lives in ways that enable us to do what we can’t accomplish on our own. Wilder, Jim, Renovated: God, Dallas Willard & the Church that Transforms.