PART 1
Saying, “I’m Sorry,” in China was a tricky business. To apologize meant incriminating yourself to some wrong putting you at fault. The word ‘sin’ means criminal. To apologize labeled you as a criminal by your own words. For example, if a car hits a person biking on the road, keep in mind the traffic is mostly standstill pace, the driver would never apologize. To show a glimpse of remorse would impose this driver into taking the victim to the hospital, footing the bill, possibly being sued, and indebted to the family forever if there was a true injury. Likely the driver would never exit the car. The most probable scenario would be that he or she would drive off with no concern for the incident or the person. So if sin and hurtful acts are committed, where can there be recompense or repentance? Where can one find forgiveness? How can there be healing and
In America if someone slightly bumps into you at the grocery store you may get two or three, “I’m sorries.” We dole them out like street fliers to everyone and anyone with no implications of a serious crime committed. We apologize for the most minuscule of events like being one minute late to dinner, for sneezing, and for existing. To say “I’m sorry,” for Americans, is a general courtesy of proper social etiquette. It doesn’t implicate us for a crime or necessarily
Apologies in different cultures hold various, sometimes unspoken, connotations. We can not assume all apologies are genuine or that apologies are the right lip service to offer in a given situation. Do apologies imply a need for sincere forgiveness; pardon for being wronged, especially considering the meaning behind an apology is so varied? Are forgiveness and apologies related? Are we too lackadaisical with our apologies that we don’t understand it comes with a consequence or punishment? Should apologies be reciprocated with automatic forgiveness? What do we do when we are not forgiven?
SHOULD WE SAY, “I FORGIVE YOU.”
No matter the culture, we are not in need of more empty apologies; acknowledgement for our wrongdoings perhaps, but what we are desperate for is forgiveness. An apology can be repentant, but isn’t always, which is why apologies seem never enough. Forgiveness implies a prior act of repentance; a penitent heart that turns away from the wrongdoing indefinitely. So can forgiveness can be offered even if there is no act of repentance?
Sadly, there have been many occasions when I’ve sincerely apologized and not been offered forgiveness. This may be the hardest of all non-reciprocated apologetic situations. When we are not forgiven, a relationship is broken, often forever, and the aftermath of that leaves one wondering, “how then do I forgive myself?” It’s been said that no one owes us forgiveness, especially if we’ve severely wronged another, and it’s our right to forgive or not, but is that a biblical way of looking at forgiveness? Does Christ only offer conditional forgiveness? As I recall the Easter story, Jesus paid it all for every offense, every crime under the sun, and every wrong—severity of the crime and personal feelings played no role in his sacrifice.
Instead of constantly doling out apologies, why do we not freely speak out forgiveness? I don’t think we say, “I forgive you,” as often as we should. And forgiveness can be given without an apology.
WHAT IS IN A NAME?
Forgiveness, being related to repentance, is more than a simple ‘I’m sorry.’ A committed crime, sin, must no longer be repeated, but for that to happen is impossible without Christ. Jesus is the only one who can offer eternal, permanent forgiveness of sin, therefore allowing us to no longer commit the wrongs in which we habitually commit. Though Christ’s sacrifice on the cross pardons all sin, no matter the crime or person, the receiving of his forgiveness is conditional upon receiving his free offering through belief and acceptance. Giving forgiveness is one act, but being able to receive it and live in it is another. We must first experience forgiveness in our own lives in order to then be persons of forgiveness.
Outside the eternal and spiritual realm, forgiveness is meant to be practiced on earth by Christ’s followers. As those pardoned by God’s grace, we should be freely offering the same forgiveness (Matthew 18: 21-35) as well as seeking forgiveness from others. The act of forgiving without grudge or dwelling on it is an act of freedom only offered through a relationship with Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is
He then breathed on them. He said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” (NIV)
Then he took a deep breath and breathed into them. “Receive the Holy Spirit,” he said. “If you forgive someone’s sins, they’re gone for good. If you don’t forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?” (The Message)
John 20:22-23
We are not the apostles on that day, but we have received the gift of God’s Holy Spirit in our lives. This gift grants us the capability to live with grace by offering forgiveness to those who wrong us, especially when it is our power to offer. We live in a world filled with revenge, hate, grudges, broken relationships, and muddled apologies, yet we have the unique gift of spreading forgiveness; are we giving it? Forgiveness is a sign of Christ, an act of love. After knowing the pain of not being forgiven by another follower, I feel strongly that we need to reclaim this calling, I’d even go as far to say it’s a command, to willingly live lavishly with a spirit of forgiveness. (Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 17: 3-4) This is why we can forgive without being offered an apology, why we can forgive ourselves, and why we should seek forgiveness from those we’ve wronged.
When the words, “I forgive you,” are spoken to me from someone in whom I’ve just repented, I know my apology was received and accepted. There is a sense of freedom from that burden and peace is restored in my soul as well as our relationship; just as God intended.
We have the unique gift of spreading forgiveness; are we giving it?
NEXT BLOG: Three Tales of Forgiveness–Giving and receiving forgiveness are not easy. Sometimes we struggle to know how to forgive others because the pain of it, sometimes we fear seeking forgiveness because of the shame of it, and other times we can’t forgive ourselves. I believe God gives us a clear picture of forgiveness through his Word and next week I will share three stories that speak to us about the characteristics of true forgiveness.
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