Part 8
In wading through my disillusionment with the church, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t play a victim, I can’t go around picking out what is wrong or saying one church is better than the next. If I truly am what church is made of, then the solution therein lies with me (and you). We are ground zero. We, the church, in order to awaken to our glory, must present our truest selves before a most Holy God and hear him say, “you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Remember what you’ve received and heard; obey it and repent, ” (Revelation 3:1-3, paraphrase)
My search for church community has frustrated me, made me cry, set me on the verge of giving up. Each time I confront God’s word I see a deep love he has for the church and I ask, “How do you love her so when she’s so irritating? Finally, he confronted me in this tantrum and turned my pointing finger away from his bride and directed it straight at my own heart. A direct rebuke.
“Those I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent.”
Revelation 3: 19
I am challenged today, that before I can truly enter into any space with hopes of change, the change must start within me and that begins with a humble and repentant spirit.
A self-giving, healing Church blossoms out of self-rendered souls to God. When a naturally self-centered, pleasure-seeking, me-first person stands honestly and vulnerably before a gracious, patient, and loving God a soul-irritating intervention ensues. God’s nature rubs us the wrong way because it is goodness and we are not good. He illuminates our darkest fears, the ones we’d rather hide, forces us to face our own sins and misgivings and acknowledge we are free to judge no one, and humbles us to know that apart from him whatever we do lacks.
In a confrontation like this, we are given two choices; repent and be blessed, or get out of the way. I can’t sit on the sidelines of church-life and criticize her if I’m not participating, and I have no right to judge her when I’m part of the problem. If we’re not ‘in the game’, then we might as well step out of the way because God will accomplish his purposes and he will do so with feeble, devoted, sold out, selfless humans in spite of those who are lurking around the sidelines “looking active but are really dead.” Whatever imperfections we see in the church, until we step in, we have no voice to speak into her to strive for more. To us, God is speaking rebuke, a call to discipline, to stop complaining and get on board.
Ready, Set, Repent
God’s rebuke against me is legitimate and I know I am not alone. I’ve judged, walked out of and turned my lip up at so many churches and even other believers. I’ve treated my family with contempt. So rather than encouraging and edifying, I’ve been part of the division, hurt and implosive shame. The only way to come back from those mistakes are to take God’s gentle discipline, his gracious reminders, his firm command and turn my heart back to him, confess my sin against others, and ask him to help me see those in the church and outside with his eyes of empathy, compassion, and patience. It’s time to get back in the race with the starting line marked repent.
Humility, however, for each of us, is a prideful beast that is terribly difficult to slay. I am not immune to being selfish, competitive, or considering myself better than others. How false I’d be to even dare say otherwise. My posture needs an adjustment, therefore, I must humble my self, confess to the church that my heart toward her has not been that of God’s. If yours hasn’t either, perhaps you too need to hear God say, “wake up and repent.”
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 57:17
God speaks individually to us, and sometimes collectively. I see my own fault concerning how I’ve been viewing the church, but I’ve also been observing a greater sin among us as a family. The growing polarization in our society has eeked its way into our churches. I sense a growing defensiveness among humanity that is penetrating internally into our congregations locally and globally. This same tension has further created a barrier around church communities. God’s banner of healing that should mark our church-life, is fading as we exchange it to be ready to justify our point of view or belief as a defense against political agendas, societal changes or as a recourse based on fear. I find a general sense of anger, spite, deep sensitivity, and feelings of being threatened gurgling quietly in people’s hearts. I find myself waffling over churches because I question, “What values does this church have and what will it say about me to others? and What does it even mean to call myself a Christian in today’s climate?” I could not have predicted these questions to ever be in my psyche. These questions break my heart because “The Church as the Body of Christ takes on vivid reality as a living organism of God’s presence in the world*,” and if our presence is radiating fear, hurt, doubt, insecurity, anger, defensiveness, division, and intimidation then it’s time to stop and turn in a new direction.
I am not saying the church in its entirety is on this path, but it is always a good thing to take stock of our hearts and what we live out in our communities in order to have a repentant posture.
I must be gentle with this call to repentance because I don’t want you to hear me say there is no place to stand firm in faith or to hold tight to God’s word. Jesus did not waver or falter in the message of truth he came to preach. His word, his purposes most definitely brought about a division between those who love him and those who do not, but in all his actions he listened, spoke to the heart, knew the heart and met each person where they were in their faith journey, even if it was far from him, with gentleness and care. We must remember God’s heart is for all to come to him, none to perish. If it is a hardened, angry, self-righteous posture pushing people away from God, we are looking at a heart condition that is not reflecting God’s.
I encourage you to read Romans 2: 1-5 and remember God is rich in his kindness, but he does not look kindly on our judgment and harshness, his goal is to lead everyone to repentance so we can enjoy his goodness forever. We can both hold firm to our faith and be loving.
A Repentant Heart
A repentant, moldable heart with an ear turned toward hearing God, guides us toward loving our neighbor and enables us to be healers and peacemakers in our world.
Throughout Israel’s and the Church’s history confession and repentance have played a vital role in healing and restoration among the Church, communities, and nations. Biblically speaking, repentance is not a once in a while act when we’ve done something unforgivable, it is meant to be a daily individual and corporate practice. We have neglected it perhaps because it makes us “feel bad,” and though we should be broken up about our sin, the practice is meant to foster a healthy God-centered life of humility that then transforms our heart to see ourselves, our sin and others through God’s eyes–empathetically and compassionately as precious ones. It is meant not to breed guilt, but to soften our hearts, lighten our load and free us. It’s a giving away of the ugly, to receive beauty.
Repentance also transforms our outlook and is a fruit of our salvation. It has a deep power of healing for us and for others in the world. I’d say if when we think of church all we can see is a broken, sinful group of people, then it’s likely the first step toward walking in a new direction is to seek a repentant heart.
When it comes to a repentant Church the buck stops with me and you. As we repent we are transformed. A repentant, transformed, devoted Church is full of healing possibilities, and healing begets healing.
Practical Application
Repentance is a process. That is why we practice it daily. It isn’t meant to make us feel guilty, but rather a release from burdens. God has taken these burdens already, he wants to free you of them so that he can lighten your heart and fill it with love for yourself and others—this is how he builds a healthy church. When we can confess and repent and turn our eyes to him for guidance, then we can care for others as we wholly depend on God to care for us.
Attached is a downloadable repentance activity that you are welcome to use to encourage you toward living with a repentant spirit.
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Note: *Quote from The Study of Spirituality: Prayer as Primary Speech: Prayer and Personality, Ann and Barry Ulanov
