You can fill in the blank.
I had intended to share three stories defining the nature of forgiveness from the Bible, but in light of yesterday’s school shooting, I feel it can wait until next time. I find it no coincidence that I have been struggling to understand forgiveness, reading a book on compassion, and then yet another tragedy happens where forgiveness and compassion are central to processing these events. God speaks even in our confusion
Highlands Ranch is dear to our family. We lived there for five years, served among youth (some who’d also faced school shootings), and had our first baby. We have family, friends, and a church community who call that area home. I grieve with them and for this communal loss. As I laid awake in bed last night, all I could think about was a podcast I’d listened to about five months ago on forgiveness. They interviewed three groups of people who’d been through traumatic events and how they processed to find and give forgiveness; these people were not believers, but their story gave me pause to think. The first interview was with the mother of the boy who committed the Columbine High School shooting in Colorado 20 years ago; I was a high school senior. What struck me about her interview were the repercussions she suffered on behalf of her son. Since he’d not survived, the anger, hurt, need for recompense fell on her. She became bombarded with questions like; How did she not know her son had guns or was mentally hurting? Did she not love her son enough? Can you imagine her guilt, shame? And don’t forget she’d lost a child too. In a situation like this, no person involved goes unscathed. She had to find ways to forgive her son, herself, and then seek forgiveness from families who were too enraged and hurt to consider hearing her pain or apology. How can anyone forgive that? (Though she hasn’t found healing with every family affected, there has been some forgiveness.)
That is the same question we find ourselves asking more and more. How can we forgive such violent, seemingly hate-filled acts? Should we forgive them?
I’m reading a book called, Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life, and I came across a sentence that I had to stop and consider for a moment.
“When we are no longer able to recognize suffering persons as fellow human beings, their pain evokes more disgust and anger than compassion. […] Confronted with human pain and at the same time reminded of our powerlessness, we feel offended to the very core of our being and fall back on our defenses of numbness and anger.”
The book, though I have not yet finished it, brings to the table the question of why we, as Christians, struggle to serve and love with Christ-empowered compassion. It confronts our modern dilemma of access to and knowledge of more violence, suffering, pain, evil than ever before simply due to globalization and media access. We are oversaturated to the point in which we feel helpless and overwhelmed to the problems around, which in turn, causes us to respond with anger and numbness rather than compassion. Would you feel that to be true for you? I know I often do.
Rather than hearing the news yesterday and begin praying and asking for healing, forgiveness and restoration, I think I can safely say our first response was rage, disgust, anger and a readiness to blame and accuse. Or, a deep sense of helplessness and loss of hope.
So how can we forgive these continual acts of violence, especially if we are the victims? How can we look out at our world filled with injustice, victimization, racism, and hate and have compassion?
We can if we look to Jesus. I don’t want that to sound cliche, but Jesus while on the cross, bore the pain of these violent acts so that the people doing them can be forgiven and those suffering from the act can forgive. He bore them out of love for the victims and the victimizers. To him all people are his, all are beloved. He saw people as his children, not acts of violence or the sins they committed. He knows we all need his help. He came to show the way of love through becoming burdened by human flesh and living among pain and suffering until he heaved it all on himself in a sacrifice of service. We cannot take that act lightly; it’s an extremely heavy burden and we only feel and experience a fraction of it. The hurt and anger we feel is only a sliver of his hurt and pain. Yet, intimately knowing all our crimes committed against each other throughout history, he didn’t look out at the crowds with disdain, but with love and compassion. Then he forgave it all. Throughout the New Testament this was often Jesus’ response to those he met—
“I have compassion for these people;[…]he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd.”
Jesus
We can waste our energies on being angry, blaming inanimate objects, but the real tragedy is the state of humankind’s heart towards each other. We could focus more energy on spreading love, dignity, compassion and genuine care for one another by being known and making others feel known. We could step away from devices to engage in meaningful conversations, begin listening to the hearts of fellow classmates, workmates, neighbors, gym-mates, cross a culture to learn about a new people and live their daily struggles, be with those who are hurt and suffering, we could spend more time tending to hearts rather than political agendas–generally treating people as God-imprinted creations; as ourselves.
People are God’s children who deserve to know his tender and relentless love and forgiveness. We are his ambassadors indwelled by his Holy Spirit to express his will on earth. The primary question isn’t can we forgive those people who are committing acts of violence and hate—the truth is yes, we should. Our first question should be, are we doing our job? Are we enacting change in our communities by spreading the Good News, are we living with lavish forgiveness, unconditional love, relentless compassion in and through the act of Jesus Christ on the Cross. Are we noticing people and having compassion or are we too wrapped up in our own routines and lives because the problems of the world have become too overwhelming and our response is anger and numbness?
I leave with one message from the Epistles that I believe sums it up.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted (compassionate), forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)
Personal Note—Please know I do not assume the path of forgiveness of others, or ourselves to be an easy road. In these heart-breaking times, the experiences we face and see are debilitatingly painful. The loss that comes with tragedy pervades our stories and future. The grief is raw and lasting. Healing comes through community with one another, support, encouragement from God’s truth—as it is the compass when we feel lost, and lastly when we are able to forgive we become free of the pain that breeds anger, revenge, and hate. Forgiveness restores life for self, communal life, and allows God to further his love with the hope that as we love and forgive there will be less pain and tragedy on earth. I am grieved along with the families of all those involved yesterday, including those families who have had children on lock-down in any school. I have lived that and it’s scary and painful. We so often want to protect and guard that which is precious to us, and sometimes we can, and sometimes we have to trust that God is with those who suffer, he is with those who’ve been hurt, he’s with those who act in hate—he is with us all to redeem the brokenness and helplessness we feel. God is WITH us, even in our process to forgive.
Community is a precious gift. I started this blog not only to write, but to encourage the building of community. I see our relationships deteriorating and I intentionally strive in my life to encourage its’ growth. I’d love for you to join me along the wandering way by subscribing at the bottom of the website, sharing your comments, or writing a guest story. Let’s connect and build each other up in community!
